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Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Biggest Loser - Week One

Well we had our first "official" weigh-in today. Everyone did really well. Most lost between 5 and 7 pounds and one guy even lost 13 pounds (not me though and we were all jealous of him). One poor guy though gained a pound. He credited it to too much pizza over the weekend.

I was really worried about my weight because like I mentioned before Sarah took me out for a lovely afternoon and we went to lunch at Chili's. I tried to be really good and ordered something healthy but Sarah ordered Southwest Egg Rolls. We both love these. I had no idea though how much Sarah loved these until she told me that she will order the triple play and get all Southwest Egg Rolls. Then on Monday I had to go to my dad's and help him with some things before I leave on Sunday to go to Virginia and when I got done he said "let's go get lunch at Burger King." I know just how much I can eat at BK but my son (shame on him) had to order the #2 (double Whopper) and had it large sized. I couldn't help myself - I had to sneak some fries. I miss fries. I miss diet Pepsi. One thing I don't miss - the 7.2 pounds that I have lost. YIPPEE!

So I am now down to 197.5. Not to bad considering in December I was at 210. So I have a lost a total of 7.2 pounds since starting the Biggest Loser at work and 5.3 pounds from December to when we started for a total weight loss of 12.5 pounds. Not bad for a month. If I could keep this pace I should look pretty good come summer and I could go shopping for some cute summer tops.

I will miss the next weigh-in as I will be in class in Virginia but fortunately my room as a full kitchen and they have a workout room and a pool. So until next time...

Friday, January 15, 2010

Do you ever feel invisible?

First a disclaimer - This is a sad post. I was feeling sad when I wrote it because I was here in the house by myself - again.

But then something happened. Read on.

Lately, I have been really struggling with being alone. Now some may say your not alone your daughter, son-in-law, and granddaughter live with you.

Well, I think you can be alone without actually being alone.

Sometimes I feel invisible. Sometimes I feel like nobody cares about me. Now this isn't to say that I feel like I did 6 months ago when I had a plan not to be here but sometimes I wonder if I am invisible to my kids. Sometimes I feel like no one appreciates the things I do. Sometimes I hate the feeling of emptiness and not having someone to do things with - even if that person was a snake. I miss not having someone to go to dinner with - or the movies - or to just sit and watch a basketball game or something else on TV.

Then tonight when I looked at my facebook account a friend of mine from high school had the following youtube video posted (see below).

In this video this woman talks about feeling invisible to her family. Then she goes on to talk about a book a friend gave her on the builders of the great cathedrals. A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, "Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it." And the workman replied, "Because God sees."

I needed to be reminded of this. That God sees. He sees the cathedral I am building by being a mother and now a grandmother. I love my kids. I love being a mother. I love Austyn. She is the most wonderful thing that has come into my life for a very long time. Sometimes I do feel invisible and that no one appreciates me and that I feel alone but than I need to realize that God sees and loves me.

It is hard to be alone even when I'm not alone or included in the lives of my children but than I need to remind myself that it is a far better life than what I had with Tom and his deceitfulness.

The time will come when I won't be here but hopefully others will marvel at the beauty of the cathedral that has been added to the world by my being a mother.


Sunday, January 10, 2010

Biggest Loser at Work

Well as I have stated before one of my goals for the new year was not to necessarily lose weight but to get healthy. Unfortunately, according to my doctor to become healthy I need to lose weight. About 60 pounds to be exact.

Well I don't have to go this alone. We have decided to do the biggest loser at work. That should help, huh? Having someone to be accountable to and to help motivate you to stay on target.

Premise of our "game" is that everyone who wants to participates puts in $5. Weigh-in's are every Tuesday at 8:00. If you gain weight it will cost you $1 per pound, if you lose or don't gain you pay nothing. At the end of 10 weeks which ever team has the highest percentage of weight lost wins the pot. Starting pot - $150.

Well, I am ashamed to publish it here but at the first initial weigh-in I weighed 204.7 pounds. Now this isn't the heaviest I have weighed. Just a month ago I was at around 210. Yup - you read it. 210 pounds. How did I drop those 6 pounds? Gave up my beloved Diet Pepsi.

I was watching an episode of Dr. Oz on one of my Friday's off and he stated that any - I repeat - any addiction can be cured in 21 days. Well, I knew I had a problem when I would take a 2 liter of Diet Pepsi to bed with me just in case I was thirsty in the middle of the night. Heck, there was one time where I drank an entire case of 24 cans of Diet Pepsi in 2 days.

Well, it was rough but I am proud to say I have not had a Diet Pepsi or Diet anything for 21 days. I drink water, tea, Crystal Light - no soda.

So watch for updating posts on my progress to get healthy. Next weigh in is Tuesday, the 19th of January.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

8 years to go

It seems strange to say this but I only have 8 more years and then I can retire. 2,059 working days. Given that I have worked for the Government for 26 years, 8 years doesn't seem that far off. But - on the other hand 8 years also means that my granddaughter will be 9 and that makes me sad thinking of her growing up so fast because she is so much fun right now.

I have a pretty awesome job. I work in the Contracting field at Hill AFB. I am a Contract Administrator. I monitor contracts after they have been awarded by the buyers. I take this job very seriously because I work one on one with the contractor's building the parts that go on the planes.

Every time I hear of a plane going down the thought always comes to my mind that I hope it wasn't a part supplied by one of my contractor's that caused a failure.

You know when I started working for the Government it was because I was a single parent raising my son Chris. I needed the stability of a paycheck and health and life insurance to make sure he was taken care of. As time progressed I got married and had my daughter Sarah and got divorced and this job enabled me to provide a stable environment to raise my two children.

While we (meaning my kids and I) didn't have "toys" by today's standards (you know the 4-wheelers, snow mobiles, etc) we did have a pretty awesome tent trailer which we enjoyed during the summer. I would say I think we were pretty happy.

About 8 years ago I married a person who was very consumed with money. My job to him wasn't good enough as it didn't bring the kind of money that was important to him. He tried to get me to quit my job and get a real estate license with him so that we could make money that way.

All I can say is thank the good Lord I had enough foresight not to do that. While this marriage ended in divorce and this person lost everything that was important to him I still have this wonderful job.

So, while I count down the years to months to days that I can retire I am grateful that I have this job and the stability that it provided me then, continues to do so today and will continue to do so in the future.